Street Noise (a corona-poem)

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there’s a busy street behind my house
I can’t see it
the HOA built a wall just high enough
so that we can pretend it’s not there
but I can hear it

I’ve heard it every day I’ve lived here
as constant as the sunrise

the rumble of trucks hauling their precious cargo
the cry of sirens grieving over emergencies
the roar of motorcycles boasting about their horsepower
the familiar din of engines just… propelling people to work

radiating the steam of sweat
belting out songs in the key of stress
congregating errands into a concerto of vrooms
an auto-motopoeia

a perpetual auto-promenade between the lanes
painted on pavement
that plays out a lot like
starcrossed lovers
moving to and fro in the rhythm
of the stoplights

when we were considering buying this place
we listed “street noise” at the top of the “con” column
like babe “I’m not sure if I can bear to hear that every day”

but the property had a lot of pros too
so we chose to learn to deal with it

the noise is less these days
those poor vrooms
disassociated by social distancing
they sound a lot more like lonesome solos
than a symphony
I wake up every morning hoping I can still hear something

because if I don’t
if the engines run dry
if the mufflers become exhausted
if the batteries die and
the tires retire from the tango

if the whooshes can no longer as much as whisper

if that street succumbs to silence

I’m not sure if I can bear to hear what’s next

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The Toil of the Royals

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I used to think it would be cool to have my name written on a star
but they get trampled on a lot more
than I thought more
I think about it though
I can relate
to footprints on my face
these life stories sampled from plots formed
at angles we didn’t even know were possible
we lean into these summer evenings
in white t-shirts and blue dreams
silhouettes all tangled up in blue beams
and tonight
smells like popcorn
but all these superheroes can only save us for a couple hours
before exit signs expertly escort us down hallways

we spill out all over the concrete
only there are no ushers to clean us up before the next showing
bemoaning the body blows
of reality juxtaposing its fists into the pits of our stomachs
you know it as well
as you know the smell
before it rains
and it’s ash raining down
volcanoes of crushed hope, flurries of hashtags
and it’s like we’re just the butt of jokes in dirty ash tray towns
there’s no uber to lyft us to the promised land
there’s no app for
these mostly meaningless moments that don’t make it to instagram
Lorde said “we’ll never be royals…”
inevitably we toil in the fields
settling for soil
I guess because it just feels
more familiar to our heels
thrashing in these tabernacles of clay
decking the halls with wrecking balls
antagonists on the ragged papyrus of our own screenplays
we scroll on
no wonder we yearn for the reinforcing ropes of intertwined fingers
we’re just trying to hold on
we’re just trying to hold on


shout out to the survivors
living for something can be a lot harder than dying for it
we’re just out here trying for it
sometimes our status here would have us fear
but there’s something super magical about the supernatural strength
we receive in our weakness
the Lord said we’d be royals
do we believe it?
if this is what carbon does at room temperature
imagine what it does in the flames of sanctification
like if dust could become us
us couldn’t become indestructible?
we look up beyond the stratosphere
and marvel at heavenly bodies
and forget the majestic heritage that we inherited
well, here’s a prayer for the heritage
cuz we got a flair for the heritage
if we could just dare to wear the heritage
I mean the crown of creation
the triumph of transformation
the eternal endurance of exaltation
these are the merits of illumination
so let the light come
there’s a reason our day dreams are so much sweeter than our night ones

life is not a highway
it’s a runway
we are not confined to this asphalt
we are not defined by past faults
but future victories
with these wings the sky is not even the limit
because the real superhero saved us for a couple forevers
and he didn’t suffer in the garden so that we’d have to stay in it
that’s a sovereignty worth honoring
and it’s why
every single book of life is worth authoring
this is our world
let’s play in it, embody the experience
until the day they make statues of us
shaped out of godly experience
befitting to who we are
there’s no need to audition
to be figures on some worldly boulevard
our names are already written
in the stars

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The Hospital

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imagine a hospital
not just any hospital
but the best hospital in the world
the finest doctors all at the forefronts of their fields
the most cognizant and caring nurses
all the latest cutting-edge technology
the most rigorously tested
and the most vigorously effective medicine
even the cafeteria food
is peppered with excellence

now, it’s not perfect
no human institution ever is
despite the best of motives
mistakes have been made
not everyone has been saved
still
with all the flaws, the mishaps, and misdiagnoses
it has done the most this world has ever seen
to put people back on their feet

this is the hospital that everyone wants to go to
because they know
it’s the best chance they have to be healed
of whatever’s broken
it’s what they’ve put their hope in
because their neighborhood hospital either doesn’t have the dreams or the means to remodel

some people are fortunate
they were born in this hospital
and they have lifetime passes
they’re so used to it
they don’t even know how good they have it
sure, they might have to endure some renovations
but they definitely didn’t have to die pouring the foundation

this hospital happily accepts as many people as it can
even a lot of folks that don’t even have appointments

some people travel a long way
on dangerous, dusty, forsaken, and forsworn roads
limping on last legs
and they finally arrive only to find…
the doors are closed

the hospital can only take so many patients at a time
if it gets overrun, overcrowded, overworked, and over-burdened
the quality of treatment starts to decline
until eventually, the entropy of chaos renders it in ineffective
and everything that once made its famed operations possible
is gone

see, when that knob doesn’t turn
it doesn’t mean there aren’t doctors and nurses inside sobbing
it’s not because they don’t care about the injured,
the less fortunate, the downtrodden

it’s because they do

they know that if the hospital falls
and becomes just a lawless free for all
it can’t help anybody
it will cease to be a beacon
thieved of it’s meaning
as it recedes deep into the fog of forgotten freedom

if you are one of the more fortunate
please, don’t take a torch to it
instead of tearing it down
become a physician
make it your mission
to make the hospital immeasurably more efficient
increase your capacity
help the hospital construct some new floors
so that it can open up some new doors

make it strong
so that it can continue to lift the weight of the world
because these infections, these diseases, these epidemics
they’re heavy
and the world doesn’t need more enemies
it need remedies

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“It Doesn’t Affect Me…”

This is interesting. Big tech/social media platforms hire people to moderate content that people upload to make sure it’s not overly hateful, violent, sexual, etc. Many people that do this kind of work suffer from anxiety, depression, night terrors, PTSD, and other severe mental health conditions from viewing disturbing videos. A couple observations:

What a sick and broken world we live in where thousands of people work every day just to filter out grotesque things that people not only do, but upload for other people to see. Not to mention those that consume it.

Second, how many times have you heard someone say “I can watch such and such – it doesn’t affect me…”? This is more concrete proof that what we watch does affect us. That’s just how our brains work. Maybe we don’t have a diagnosable condition from watching the worst of humanity several hours per day for a living, but if we’re honest I think we can diagnose the small changes to our countenances each time we consume something counter to our divine character.

From the article:

“Do you know what my brain looks like right now? Do you understand what we’re looking at? We’re not machines. We’re humans. We have emotions, and those emotions are deeply scarred by looking at (this stuff).”

Sometimes, when she thought about her job, she would imagine walking down a dark alley, surrounded by the worst of everything she saw. It was as if all of the violence and abuse had taken a physical form and assaulted her.

“All the evil of humanity, just raining in on you,” she says. “That’s what it felt like — like there was no escape. And then someone told you, ‘Well, you got to get back in there. Just keep on doing it.’”

Read the full article here:

https://www.theverge.com/2019/12/16/21021005/google-youtube-moderators-ptsd-accenture-violent-disturbing-content-interviews-video

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Make Room

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do you ever feel like
you’re in that big garbage compactor on Star Wars
surrounded by heaps of scrap metal opinions and elbows
standing in waters so murky you can’t even see your shoes
you’re pretty certain there’s something lurking beneath the surface
what’s worse is
the walls are closing in
you’re just searching for a pipe or a board
long enough and strong enough to prop between the oncoming mobs
one thing’s for sure
we’re all going to be a lot thinner

the china is flying in these tiny houses
I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a toilet
or a dinner table
can we make room
for discerning
in an age of pundits perpetually pushing perceptions
does everybody already know everything
is there any room left
for learning

before we jump straight to stake burning
and regurgitating our rehearsed rhetoric
can we make room
to mourn
for lamenting
this mortal condition
before we let our circumstances circumvent our identities
can we make room
for reckoning

these talking heads are deafening
desperate for dirty laundry to toss into a
24 hour spin cycle
7 days a week,
wash, rinse, repeat
is there no more need
for contemplation
I don’t think these problems are gonna be solved in 280 characters or less
is there any room left
for conversation
for nuance
for differences

we’re all so scared of what we’re blind to
what if we opened our eyes amid
our dispositions
and looked for something that wasn’t already written
on the inside of our eyelids
what if we moved the comfy couches in our minds off to the side
and made room
for the wrestle
what if we knocked over a few lamps in there

sometimes apologizing is better than apologetics
we’re all under construction
in all the dust and the chaos and the drilling
can we look past the aesthetics for just a second
can we make room
for the messes
for incompleteness
for progression

sometimes we don’t need the answers
we just need some space from the questions
can we make room
for a day of rest when
we just need to heal from this pain and sickness
can we frame these fragile family portraits in the proper context when
the glass is cracked because it has fallen to the floor for the fortieth time
the drywall anchors keep failing
because the weight of it all is just too much
or maybe we’re not installing them right
either way, it’s us
can we make room
for forgiveness

can we grab a paint brush
roll up our sleeves
and paint some of these walls
can we remember the hue
can we cut out some squares for windows
let some light in here
maybe we could remember the view

this foundation’s got a lot of broken bones
we can’t fix these broken homes without building
can we make room
for the master craftsman
can we consult the architect
instead of taking a jackhammer to the plumbing
just because we found a leaky faucet
can we make room
for becoming

and when we see someone struggling
stuck down there in that garbage pit
and there’s no C-3PO with a code to halt the crushing
can we throw them a new rope
show them the pull of peace
instead of the tug of war
can we raise them up
and invite them through the door
can we make room
for a new hope

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Mary, Did You Know?

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Mary, did you know
that your baby boy walked on water
he made quite a splash
Mary, did you know
that your baby boy saved our sons and daughters?
he laid down his very life
on their behalf

the child that you delivered
has delivered you

he gave sight to a blind man
matter of fact, he was so kind to man
that he gave light to all mankind
he not only calmed a storm with his hand
but he wrapped every drowning woman and man in life preservers
his life would serve as the only one that makes sense of ours
his resurrection would serve notice
to all principalities and powers
that they will never hold us down
the perfect brightness of our hope

Mary, did you know
that there were no depths he wouldn’t go
to show us
that we are loved more than the deepest
reaches of our weaknesses
to teach us
that we are more than wanderers
that we are more than conquerors
that we are more than we can even dream of
all these centuries of debate over humans and nature
to this day he’s the only one
that can change a human’s nature

remember that time he was gone for 40 days
and you were worried sick
the very incarnation of evil
was trying to convince him
to prove his divinity through sin
he instead proved it through sinlessness
the conviction
the fortitude
the integrity
the perfection
the willingness
is it any wonder
Mary, did you know
that he was the only one that
could be our savior

what am I saying?
you knew
with every awe-inspiring act
every time you saw the shadow of the cross fall into his path
you knew
it was all coming to pass
all the lashes he took
you would have taken every last one of them for him
I know how mothers love

you knew you were kissing the face of God
but it still couldn’t mitigate the pain
even the sovereign loftiness of mercy
couldn’t soften the burden
or calm the hurt
or counter the consummate cost of redemption
when he bled from every pore
there was nothing in your special mommy medicine drawer
that could soothe the wounds
you just had to endure in excruciating silence
as he turned the world’s greatest tragedy
into its greatest triumph

and now the blind have seen
the deaf have heard
we will all live again
the lame have leapt
the speechless have spoken
the praises of the Lamb
I pray you understand
that it was your sacrifice
that made the whole blessed intercession feasible
you found favor with God
and that favor was returned
with salvation and blessings and joy
unspeakable

Mary, it all came true
your baby boy, the miracle that was created within you
was the Lord of all creation

we’re all still trying to fathom
the magnitude of the magnificence
the volume of the volumes
still pondering and pontificating
still glowing in the glory
I’m so thankful, because you see
that blind man
was me

Mary, I know you know what I know
that your baby boy was heaven’s perfect Lamb
the precious sleeping child that you held
is the Great I Am

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What Happened to Women?

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not all superheroes wear capes
some wear shin guards
and headbands crafted from pre-wrap
and cleats laced with determination
sometimes lasers come out of feet
instead of eyes
did anyone else see the
the fireballs they unleashed

as those streaks of white lightning
and red and blue striped moxie
lit up the soccer fields of France
I said to my 5 year old daughter
look how they conquer
look at the fearlessness
see it’s not only men we cheer for it’s
not only men that make it onto our big screens
it’s not only men that can have big dreams

from afar we adored them as they scored
and soared to the very summit of sport
we marveled as they sparkled
we followed those rocket’s red glares
into a sky of triumph
and watched as three stars became four
then came the parades
the victory tour, the awards
the immortalization
forging their place in history
next to the 91, 99, and 15 teams
2019 world champions

now, it’s 2023
time to fire up the lasers
re-lace the cleats
and go for the three peat
only this time, come to find
that one of the European teams
is comprised completely
of players that only recently
identified as women
our ladies lose in the quarterfinals
to the eventual winners

2027 we return
to reclaim that holy golden grail
to prevail
we’re going to need to tip the scales
back in our favor
now to make the U.S. women’s national team
you need to have been born a male
you need to have the right level of testosterone
the proper bone density and muscle tone
and the proper swatch of X and Y chromosomes
to participate on this pitch
this
is the new patriarchy

my daughter, who’s now thirteen
appeals to me
and says Daddy
you told me there was a field for my dreams
what happened

how do I explain this
special kind of thievery
do I tell her
it turns out there’s nothing special about a woman
you’re just a man without the machinery

do I tell her
there can be no more tomboys
only toms and boys

because we were so transfixed on being woke
we nixed an entire gender
we conspired in the genocide of femininity
in the name of Equality we Acted
to destroy
and now the dissonance is deafening
this is the reckoning

what happens to the women’s world cup?
to the WNBA
to women’s gymnastics and track and figure skating
tennis, volleyball, cycling, softball and swimming
what happens when all the games they fought for so long
just to be able to play
are taken away

what happens when
all those little girls that were so inspired by their wonder women
grow up
and are left to wonder
what happened
to women

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What If We Found Life?

What if we found life

on Mars.

Not like aliens with the small necks and big green heads and black eyes, just something simple. A tiny little creature, what we might liken to a puppy here on Earth, but smaller. By all measurements we were able to obtain it would fit in the bowl of our cupped hands. Imagine the interest this would induce.

Because as humans, we understand that there’s something special about life.

We have entire branches of science dedicated to trying to figure out how life began, what makes it keep going, and where we might have come from.

We’re fascinated to learn about how resilient life can be, from extremophiles that survive in boiling waters near thermal vents in the ocean to penguins stumbling and sliding around the frozen tundras of Antarctica.

We spend the best of our days meandering around zoos, aquariums, and national parks, gawking in amazement at animals in all their variety. We even adopt certain kinds of them into our families and homes. A cat prowls across my desk as I write this. Persistently perplexed at why I stare at an inanimate screen instead of him, he stops directly in front of it, sits on my keyboard, and starts purring. He’s reminding me that he is life.

We spend millions of dollars on missions into space designed in part to detect life on other bodies in our Solar System. Just finding a single-celled prokaryote on one of the moons of Jupiter would be the discovery of the century. We cup our telescopic ears as far as we can hear out into our galaxy, hoping our radios are tuned to just the right frequency to pick up a faint riff from an extraterrestrial rock concert broadcasted 1000 light years ago.

We think we’ll know life when we see it.

Imagine if we sent a manned spacecraft to Mars to bring that tiny peculiar puppy back to Earth. Imagine the hero’s welcome – for both the astronaut and their precious cargo. Imagine the care and protection we would give this newly found life while trying to learn about the wonders of its existence. We’d do whatever it took to keep it alive.

Then, imagine if someone broke into the lab one night and killed it.

Imagine the outrage.

Because as humans, we understand that there’s something special about life.

What if we found life

and it was ours.

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We Keep Searching

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we keep searching
on this earth
we’ve got a lot of problems
and turbulence
we’re yearning for the permanence
of peace while worshipping
the world and short-circuiting
the firmament of our souls
dispersing bandaids over broken hearts
that might as well be broken dams
fervently fumbling for fulfillment in the flesh
but never feeling full

determined that we’re the answers to our own questions
asserting that we just need more time, more data
more likes, more status
THIS will give life meaning
certainly THESE are the ingredients
I mean, they keep telling me
that autonomy is far supreme to obedience

turning to pop stars instead of prophets
and pondering why we’re still lost in the stars
encircling ourselves in burning rings of fire
and murmuring that it’s getting hot in here
impertinently purging eternity to make room
for right now

thirsting for justice to fill these cups with
urgently hurling ourselves into understanding books
while swerving around the only book that understands us and
over-exerting ourselves trying to fix all the laws of the land
as if they could somehow fix all the flaws of man

consumed by our consumption
immortalized by our memes and
demoralized by our demons
squirming to circumvent the nets of our flix
and the inevitable consequences of our internet clicks
as if we don’t become what we normalize

God is only for funerals
and helping us complete our acronyms
OMG
look at these new high resolution pictures of eclipses on Jupiter
in awe of creation but cynical of its significance
we wince in insolence
as the politicians bicker about the incidents
the poets wistfully journal the predicaments
and the musicians petition their instruments
for any diminishing whims of winsomeness as we twist in the winds
of this…
cognitive dissonance

we keep hurting

we keep searching

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Final Summer Show Recap

Thank you Seattle!

What an awesome crowd and venue to close out the Fire Within Tour. I had to fight through a cold, couldn’t breathe that well, and sounded more congested than I would have liked, but I did my best and still had a blast!

Thanks again to Jennifer Thomas for having me open several of her amazing shows. Although our forms of artistic expression (piano and poetry) are different, we see the world with similar eyes and hearts and thus it’s always easy and fun to work with her. Her husband Will was also a powerhouse on the lighting, sound, and video for EVERY show. We couldn’t have done it without him. 👏👏👏

More takeaways from this whole experience:

I loved connecting with people face to face. When you’re the opening act, there’s always some (often large) percentage of the audience that has never heard of you. For me there’s the additional hurdle of performing something that there’s no established genre for. If I was a violinist or singer/songwriter for example at least people could be like “I’m not familiar with this person but I’m pretty sure I know what I’m in for here”… but in my case there’s always an element of having to win people over. I’m sure not everyone is won over, but it is cool to see some faces change. And I’ve gotten so many comments about things I said touching people and resonating in a way they’d never felt before. I always love hearing that, because that’s what this is really all about – finding intersections of truth on this long road of human experience.

I rehearsed a lot, and the preparation paid off. That doesn’t mean I was perfect, but unexpected things happen during performances – technical difficulties, someone walking around, kids making noise, getting emotional when saying something or seeing someone else get emotional, just to name a few. And when that stuff happens it’s easy to crack. I was always able to keep going through whatever distractions came up, and I attribute that to being well prepared – even though I didn’t even know what kinds of things I was preparing for. I think that’s a lesson for anything in life.

Most of all I just liked the experiences. Opening doors to new venues to see what wonders the night might bring. Opening hearts and sharing spaces with new people. Getting out of my comfort zone and being stretched a little. Learning things that I didn’t even know I didn’t know.

Another thing I don’t know is where this takes me next.

But I know that I’m going.

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