Tag Archives the rogue pianist

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my silence is a luxury
so here, let me break it
take a minute and tell you about my privilege
I was privileged to grow up without a mom
because when she was 12 she was privileged to watch her mom drown
PTSD’s gift to me was fetal alcohol syndrome
followed by leaving without even calling syndrome
so I could blame water for my motherlessness
forsake the ocean, never ride a wave
berate rivers, never surrender my gaze
to a waterfall
never run through a sprinkler
hate my kitchen faucet
become a spigot bigot
and never drink from it again
but when I shower every morning
there isn’t a single drop of oppression in it
maybe that’s the lesson in it

I spent years of my life on the playground shooting baskets
and never once worried about who’s shooting back, and
no one ever asked me what size my Jordans were
while clenching their fists
and no one ever rolled through my neighborhood
to apprehend me and frisk
no one ever threatened me with a lynching
I never had to risk my life
to get groceries
my baggage always made it through customs

in every chapter of my life story
my sentences always matched my crimes

I walk into Barnes and Noble
and I feel like falling to the floor and crying
because despite trying
I can never read about every iniquity
or abolish every evil that has ever happened to
every people in world history

you could fill a stadium of pages with the heinousness done by one group of humans to another
and we haven’t even been here that long
aliens are like what the heck is going on
on that pale blue dot over in sector four
why can’t they respect each other more

genocide, caste systems, slavery, holocausts
the loftiness of haughtiness
all because somebody wants to feel superior
if someone else is at the bottom of the food chain
we’ll always have something to eat
but these are empty calories
fraudulent food fraught with saturated fat
rotting in the bowels of self esteem
and fabricated facts
no matter how it might be disguised
racism is just pride personified
and we keep buying into the lie
looking for the shortest path between poverty and prospering
as the jim crow flies

America hasn’t been so beautiful
for everyone under these spacious skies
oh, God shed his grace
but we didn’t do so good with the brotherhood
freedom rang and we dismissed the call
too busy crushing candy
to deal with the real clash of clans
just going with status quo
going with status quo
going with status quo
that we know like the back of our hands
no one buys a box of crayons labeled “64 same colors”
but we keep trying to paint the sky with homogenized hues
and compromised views

I’ve never even seen a plantation
but I did see Boyz in the Hood
and I still have 100 miles of NWA cassette tape running through the gears of my consciousness
looking back
I can sort of see how murder, aggression, and misogyny
could further nurture impressions and ideologies
a confession –
I wanted to be black for the coolness
I didn’t know much about the past and the cruelness
I did hate Michael Jordan, but not because of his skin color
but because of his rival jersey color
and because he could fly
and I would never experience the air up there
like that free throw line was a launch pad into heaven
I loved Isiah Thomas because he was on my team
I cried when they wouldn’t let me be #11

but maybe there’s more to black people than gangsta rap and basketball
maybe there’s more to white people than dogs and yoga
maybe there’s no such thing as black people or white people
and this is all a ruse
maybe if we quit sitting at separate lunch tables
we could share some food for thought and a soda

if these skeletons stay in the closet
they will always haunt us
no governmental policy can fix ignorance
this is on us
you can’t legislate love
or enforce empathy
and enmity is definitely not the remedy
making America hate
is not the way to make America great
I fear for America’s fate
if we can’t escape the penitentiaries of our vain imaginations
decades and centuries of
decadence and censuring
inequity and injustice
this is now
we stand here face to face
and either it just is
or it’s just us
this is how we coexist
one open hand of humility
will transcend the futility of a thousand closed fists
this is vowing to dispose of these myths
and close these rifts

instead of seeking privilege
the best we can be is a privilege to someone that knows hatred
the most perfect person who ever lived was the least privileged
and the most hated
and he only wanted to be a privilege
to those that hated
so I guess that’s how we know we’ve made it
it turns out this whole thing is complicated
there are no silver bullets
but let me be a silver lining
I can’t walk in your shoes
but I can wash your feet
I think we can all agree
that we’ve stepped in some… awful things

but these crooked ways will be made straight
these valleys will be exalted
these mountains will fall and we will all see
the glory together
we will tell our stories, together
and finally be willing to listen

we will fix this broken algebra
remember that we were created equal
and we will shine as radiating people
finally willing to glisten
from sea to shining sea

and no longer be drowning in it

so if you see me
let me hug you
and tell me what I can do
because I can’t change the world
but I can change myself

this embrace can’t erase history’s pillages
but this village it starts with two
maybe we can spark some truth
maybe some hearts can start to move

help me on my way to transformation
walk with me as I make strides and penances
so that I can honestly proclaim emancipation
from my pride and prejudice